Cricketers are not always in form and score good runs. Even Sachin is a master of the cricket but he failed in some matchs with single digit score. I too fall into that category. I never scored good always and was had ups and down. It happens in cricket and also in my ... mark sheet.
I came running home to tell my Mom that I got 80/100 in Tamil exam in the first mid-term test. That was happy moment at home. I thought I will never go out of form. Next day, I got my science marks. It is 32/100. Pass mark is 40/100. Gone. I did not get the rank that time as well.
I am not weak in one subject but in all of them especially English. I never knew the grammar till I took French as my second language at my 9th grade instead of continuing Tamil. They taught us the basic grammar lessons in French and the English counterpart. I was lucky enough to understand and learn both together. Well, why did I go out of Tamil? It is my mother tongue and father is a Tamil writer. Maybe, I wanted to pass atleast in one subject. I was confident that learning the grade 1 lessons of French at 9th grade will make me pass in that.
There are worst days. Some of my marks in 5th and 6th grade went to single digit. Oh man. I passed my 4th grade after my grandfather assured that he will do better in future classes. That never happened for long time. It was my 8th grade last mid-term before my annual exam. I got a score of 50+ in all my subject. That was my first time I saw a rank in my marksheet. It was a delightful moment. My classteacher scolded a girl for failing in some subject. That was the first time she did not get the rank. The teacher said 'Look, even Aravind got more than 40 this time, why not you?' I was happy at that moment as she mentioned me that I got the rank but everyone know what she really meant.
Rank. That was the most important of all in school life. You never get the desired respect till you get a rank. I still felt I was isolated. My 9th grade was again the same case. I never got rank and luckily they passed me to 10th grade. By mistake I passed in all subjects in my first term. I do not know what miracle happened but I thought it is due to my God's belief. Whatever be the reason, I got a rank and I was excited. That was the start. I did not fail in any subjects after that. Atleast I get 40 in all the subjects. In my 10th grade common board exam I got 72%. Lucky.
I did not want to continue in central board syllabus. The reason why I did not want to continue was English. I was still afraid that I cannot continue to get passmark. So decided to jump to another school. I had no other choice but to jump to a school which teaches French as second language or Sanskrit. I cannot take Tamil again. Same reason. I went to a state board school for my 11th and 12th grade. Everyone knew that state syllabus is easier than the central board. I do not think so. I was very afraid to talk to my classmates itself. Everyone were telling that these guys are from central board and studies well. hmm. Good taught though. I was given chance to express my ideas and was recognized by other students which I did not get in my earlier school. I was afraid that I will lose all these 'privileges' if I do not get rank.
I never failed again. I was getting ranks and I came till 7th rank out of 40 + students in the class. Aravind is being recognized because of good ranks. I ended up well with 94% in my 12th class public exam. 199/200 in physics, which I never did before. All were happy. My close friends were also happy that I got good scores. My batting never went out of form till I completed my college.
My fear might have gone though. Fear might have helped me to succeed better in my life. But it cannot be the fact. It is my determination and eagerness to learn more that drives me. Writing a blog on my school life is out of my will. I no longer afraid to tell that i did not get rank in my school. I no longer fear that my English is not correct or I am not worried to tell that my Tamil is bad even if my father is a writer.